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The Unsung Power of Discipline: Moving beyond the ups and downs of Motivation and inspiration

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Updated: Sep 18, 2024




“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” – Lao Tzu


Success Requires Discipline

We often praise and admire successful people. Sometimes, their success may appear sudden from the outside looking in. Moreover, we don’t want to hear about the gritty details or the arduous road, the tedious nature of their journey or the snarls, tears and missteps along the way. We don’t want to hear about the self-doubt or the times they were on the verge of giving up or lost sight of their vision. We don’t want to consider the cost. We certainly don’t stop to ask if they are fulfilled or if what they achieved feels worthwhile. We don’t ask the price paid in relationships, mental health, physical health, finances. We don’t ask if what they achieved is what they initially envisioned. We are often drawn to the glitz and glory. It’s not all our fault because media plays a big part in how narratives are curated and presented. But success is fragile and fleeting. Most times if we knew what it would really take to achieve a specific goal, we would never begin the journey.

What is Success?

What is success? How do you define it? On the surface, by societal standards, it is fame, wealth, opulence, and material possessions. It is the masses knowing a successful person’s name or wanting to covet their lifestyle. It is being validated and esteemed as someone to envy, someone whose status is aspirational yet untouchable. But if status and opulence were fulfilling, why do we hear about so much tragedy, destruction, abuse or dissatisfaction We often hear about our sports, entertainment, and business heroes and sheroes who may have visibility, wealth, and opulent lifestyles caught in destructive behavior patterns or addictions. If we look closely, we can find those whose stars began to fade on the stage struggling to tightly grip a bygone era in their lives to the detriment of their present. But in life, there is always someone better, someone more beautiful, better qualified, or whose star shines brighter. We are never the ‘only’ one. The good news is that there is room for everyone. Every star counts in creation. There is no shortage of gifts, talents, or expression. But it is our responsibility to cultivate, sharpen our tools, and build our skills to use what we have to make our way in the world. You don’t have to be the best, you just have to be authentically you.


Success Redefined

What is your formula for success? Is it the impact and reach you envision? Do you want to make a difference in the world? Solve a problem? It is growth and moving beyond the limitations in your immediate environment? Health and wellness? Peace of mind? Positive relationships? If we haven’t been paying attention, it may be time to rethink the existing standards and consider new definitions and models of success. We may want to turn our focus from the external and curate our lives according to our strengths, gifts and talents. The true aspects of ourselves. The internal wisdom. There is no better you than you. The question becomes, how do you do the work according to your standard of success? And that, I believe, is where the gift of discipline comes in.


Part of achieving personal success is establishing and maintaining a sense of self, healthy harmony, and grounding. Our centeredness and well-being come from within and not without. Even with accolades, awards, money, and fame, people can experience imposter syndrome. If we don’t feel worthy before achieving ‘success’ we are not going to suddenly feel worthy after. True success comes when we are not tossed about or shaken or knocked around by every opinion, negative interaction or seeming rejection. We don’t have to personalize every perceived negative experience. Discipline allows us to regroup and gather ourselves to stay on course or pivot, when necessary. But we get to decide what success is for us and how we engage our lives and expend our energy. We decide how we measure growth and how we cultivate our skills. We also get to choose if we do nothing with what we’ve been given, no matter how small.

Disappointment, in my experience, is inevitable. It is part of the human experience. How we respond and pivot makes all the difference. Let’s consider the story of David and Marcus.


Two Stars, Two Journeys: The Story of Marcus and David


In the heart of Oakland, California, two young men, David and Marcus, ruled the basketball world. Both African Americans with roots in families from the South. Each carrying their own aspirations as well as the weight of family dreams and escape.


David’s powerful leaps n the court symbolized his dreams – to jump out of poverty, to lift his family and to be a hometown hero and success story. His talent was undeniable. His athletic prowess was “the truth” and a certain way out. Marcus, with his fluid style and calm demeanor, played for the sheer love of the game and the camaraderie it brought. He was good. His star was bright. His athletic ability was a sheer joy to witness.


But as college neared, both faced life-altering challenges.


David, on the cusp of signing a life-changing pro deal, was diagnosed with diabetes. It rapidly progressed to kidney failure. The court that once promised freedom now seemed a distant dream. Angry and in denial, David felt betrayed by his own body. He became bitter, often rebuking those who encouraged medical intervention, seeing it as a sign of weakness. He would often say, “If I can’t be on the court, what’s the point of anything else?”


Marcus, during a pivotal game, suffered a knee injury that ended his basketball career. The prognosis was clear: he’d never play professionally.


However, their responses to adversity were starkly different.


Marcus, heartbroken but undeterred, sought rehabilitation. Though he couldn’t play, he remained close to the game, first as a student of sports medicine and then as a physiotherapist. He channeled his love for basketball into helping others recover, ensuring they didn’t face the abyss he once did.


David, on the other hand, spiraled. He took a coaching job and worked as a janitor but did so with an undercurrent of resentment. His interactions were often tinged with anger and jagged aloofness. Students and fellow staff members tried reaching out, but the wall David built seemed impenetrable. Coupled with excessive drinking and depression, there didn’t seem a viable option to reach him nor support him in pivoting to embrace a new path. He couldn’t hear anyone. He couldn’t see another way.


Two athletes, once united by their love for the game were now poles apart in their life journeys.

As years went by, Marcus established a rehabilitation center, often offering free services for local high school athletes. He became a beacon of hope, teaching young players the importance of holistic well-being—both physical and mental. He emphasized the need for them to take care of their bodies and gave them the tools to do so properly.


David’s health continued to deteriorate, his days marked by dialysis and the ghosts of forsaken opportunities. His anger became a barrier, preventing many from reaching out, even when he needed it most.


When David passed away in his early 40’s the community mourned deeply. Not only for his prematurely ended life, but the loss of his dreams. The tragic story of a city’s bright star became a cautionary tale about the perils of unhealed emotional wounds, resentment and failure to pivot when life requires a different course of action. Marcus, ever the healer, established an annual health drive in David’s name, focusing on the importance of regular check-ups, stressing diabetic care, and monitoring of A1C levels, especially given the health disparities in the Black community.


We often chase aspirations and definitions of success that others or society fuels. The dreams become invigorated with the praise and envy of others. Sometimes, it’s not the thing itself that fuels the vision but rather what comes along with it. The thing beneath we are truly seeking.


Life is fragile, filled with twists, turns, and transitions. Flexibility is essential in redirecting ourselves and being present to life and what is, not as we wish it to be. Certainly, we must grieve loss. Loss can be physical, but it can also be emotional and psychological, causing great anguish, confusion, and regret. What disappointments are you sitting with? Are they robbing you of your essence? Your energy and life force? What unfulfilled dream are you holding on to? What lies beneath the dream? Are you waiting for someone to validate you? The validation of others is also subject to fickle and vacillating opinions based on trends, nuances and seasons. If we await the validation of others it also means others hold the power to determine when you are no longer valid. People like proximity and access to those who will add to their own validation and provide access to circles of affluence and influence. In other words, the same people who will praise you may be the same people who may want to tear you down.

The praise may even hold ulterior motives or lack true critical analysis.


“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” Maya Angelou


Set your own definition of success. Only you know what lies beneath. Get to know yourself. Your insecurities. Your fears. Doubts. We often think of success as a fixed position. While there are inequities and injustices in society and obstacles to overcome, we can’t let that reality stop us from trying, from dreaming, from working toward our dreams, visions, and goals. We can’t afford to let apathy, helplessness, and hopelessness set in. Sometimes, it is about accepting ourselves where we are, moving from this place and space, and using what is within us and before us to create momentum and traction. Sometimes the needle on the gauge will move incrementally and sometimes seismically. Sometimes we don’t see the needle moving but changes are occurring nonetheless.


We must define success for ourselves. We don’t all start in the same place, but we all end in the same place. There are nuances and levels to “success” as defined by social standards, popular opinions, and norms. There are the advantaged and the disadvantaged in life. There are the privileged and the underprivileged.


We all have a story. Adversity is part of the human condition as we now know it despite wealthy nations and technological advances. Comparing ourselves to others often leads to a negative self-image and robs us of precious time and energy, leading to our suffering. Time is the one thing we can’t get more of. We allow the voices of others to silence us and cause us to think less of ourselves or to envy others. We allow the fear of judgment, failure, and embarrassment to paralyze us all together. But when we realize that life can be a great equalizer and we are ultimately responsible for how we spend our time, what we create with our time, and the lessons we glean, it can bring focus and perspective while helping us to care less about what others think and get busy living authentically for ourselves. No one is coming to rescue or crown us. There will be no one who suddenly tells us we’ve got what it takes to be who are or want to be. In fact, they may discourage and dissuade you. It’s your job to multiply what you’ve been given. To cultivate the little so that it becomes much in the time you’re given.


Defining Discipline

What is discipline? Discipline is the conscious and consistent effort to align one’s actions, behaviors, and decisions with long-term goals, values, and aspirations. It involves cultivating self-control, focus, and dedication to overcome challenges, resist immediate gratification, and maintain a steady commitment to personal growth and achievement of your goals. Even with raw talent, it takes consistency and consistency for mastery and “greatness”. Not that “greatness” is always the target. We have to assess our underlying goals, unspoken desires, voids, unmet needs, character deficits, insecurities, flaws and imperfections. Self-acceptance, embracing our whole selves, flaws and all, without judgment and enveloping ourselves with grace and loving-kindness is a practice to develop when on the journey to learning and growing. We are often harsh, berating and judgmental and even dismissive and discouraging of ourselves. Training our minds to rebut the negativity helps keep us on track. Honesty and acknowledgment are essential elements of a successful pivot and refocus.


“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” Jim Rohn

Show Up

Showing up daily for ourselves is key. Making ourselves a priority. Keeping our agreements with ourselves. Taking action toward our goals and maintaining focus instead of hope or wish mode, putting systems, actions and habits in place that are realistic, and actionable. Breaking down tasks into practical steps goes a long way toward achieving our goals. It takes time. There are twists and turns along the way. Setbacks. There may be naysayers, even your own voice may chime in with disbelief or negative self-talk. But show up anyway. It may be those closest to you who are discouraging and doubtful, spewing questions like “why do you want to do that?” or they may even laugh. Keep going. Keep your vision safe and quiet until you have established momentum. Sometimes people are sitting on the sidelines paralyzed with fear, lacking vision, bound, sitting on their own gifts and talents, or envious of others and hoping you will join them. Keep going. Don’t shrink to fit their small thinking or small lives. Do you have a dream? Fund it. Invest in yourself with time, discipline, focus, resources, education, and skill acquisition. Do you have a vision? Take action. Break down the big picture into small frames. Do something small each day. Keep lists. But show up consistently. Let the journey be fueled with curiousity and exploration. You’ll be surprised how much you will grow, and how much you will achieve.


Discipline: What is it and the role of Unlocking your Potential

You don’t have to be extraordinary to do extraordinary things. In fact, there are probably less extraordinary people than we think. So what makes the difference? Sometimes it can be as simple as the presence of limiting and negative beliefs that keep most of us from doing extraordinary things.


The Anatomy of Discipline

Consistency + Focus + Self Control + Time Management+ Resilience = Discipline


Discipline is more than just a single trait; it’s a composite of several intertwined qualities that, when harnessed together can propel an individual towards their goals. Let’s break down this formula:


1. Consistency:

a. Definition: Consistency is the practice of regularly and reliably performing actions or behaviors in a similar manner over time.

b. Relation to discipline: Discipline requires one to show up, day in and day out, despite mood, external pressures, or fleeting motivations. By being consistent, you create habits that eventually become second nature.


Showing up is half the struggle. Ever started a fitness journey? And each day there is such resistance that comes over you? Channel surfing on the sofa feels like a more appealing option. However, once there and you hop on a machine or two, stretch, and get some weight lifting in, you feel energized, accomplished, and healthy. And what did you have to do for that feeling and that box check? Show up. It is moving beyond the feelings and fears that support our moment-to-moment progress.


Action: Make an agreement with yourself to keep your agreements and make your goal a priority. We are not talking about reckless or irresponsible behavior but placing priority on doable and actionable tasks, no matter how small.


2. Focus:

a. Definition: Focus pertains to the ability to direct one’s attention and efforts towards a singular task or goal, avoiding distractions.

b. Relation to discipline: Discipline is about prioritizing your long-term goals over short term temptations. Maintaining focus ensures that you’re always aligned with your objectives, and not getting sidetracked.


Focus incorporates minimizing distractions and not allowing yourself to get sidetracked or discouraged altogether. Creating, producing, and bringing visions to life can take time. There are things we don’t foresee. There are learning curves to consider. The snarls, snares, and roadblocks that happen. We have to keep going. Prioritizing the work required, breaking down tasks into sections and pieces, being diligent, making agreements with yourself, and keeping those agreements are key. We like to think that multitasking is our friend but in some instances, it can work against us diluting our focus.


Don’t just dream about it. Do it. Even if it feels awkward. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing. Even if it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Even if you’re afraid.


Action: Create a schedule for yourself. Show up no matter what. Make yourself and your project a priority.


3. Self-Control:

a. Definition: Self-control is the capacity to regulate one’s impulses, emotions and behaviors to achieve long-term goals.

b. Relation to discipline: Discipline often means making choices that are in line with your goals, even if they aren’t the most appealing in the moment. This requires a high degree of self-control.


Self-control involves discipline and is connected to daily and moment-by-moment choices. It may require delayed gratification or sacrifice in the present in order to manage resources including time and money. Self-control may involve not sharing your visions, dreams, and goals with everyone. You may want to shout it from the rooftop because you are doing something you are passionate about and gives you a sense of direction and purpose. But you may want to refrain. Others won’t share your vision. They may not understand. They may fear your success. Learning self-control will be helpful in developing our skills and fueling overall discipline habits and practice. Managing impulses and keeping the long game in view will be essential.


Action: When faced with choices, emotions, or impulses, slow down, and ask yourself some questions like “Is what I am being tempted to do or have in alignment with my goal?” or “Does this support my long-term goal” or “Does this add to or subtract from where I am going, my growth or goal?” or “Does this support who I am becoming?”


4. Time-Management:

a. Definition: Time management involves planning and exercising control over the time spent on activities to enhance productivity and efficiency.

b. Relation to discipline: A disciplined individual recognizes the finite nature of time. By managing it effectively, they ensure that they are always progressing towards their goals:


All good things take time. Despite our microwave culture that may sell success and wealth as an overnight or quick turnaround, for some it may be possible but for most mere mortals it takes time, energy, and consistency. It requires showing up even when it’s easier to sit on the sofa and channel surf or social media scroll. It may feel good but what will it net you? Respecting time is crucial in showing up for yourself and keeping your agreements. Set a timer. Work for a specific amount of time. Transition from your job to your passion project with a plan. It will help train your brain and communicate it is time to shift gears. We don’t want to necessarily glorify hustle culture but when we are in a season of transition and building a dream from the ground up, sacrifices and focus will be required.


Structure and schedule your time just like you would with someone else. Create a diligent practice of taking an hour or two to work on your passion project before you get home if you are easily distracted. Keep a notebook nearby. Use quiet time as a solution-focused and inspirational time to recalibrate and listen to your inner wisdom. Seek out those who have achieved what you desire. Sometimes we get discouraged because some things will take time. Remain action-item and list-focused. Break down tasks into doable action items. It’s going to take as long as it takes. You are not in a race.


Stay agile and flexible. You don’t know what you don’t know. Sometimes the vision we are given is just a glimpse. The bigger picture becomes clearer the more steps we take towards our vision, dreams, and goals. You may have to adapt, shift, or pivot along the way. Keep going.


Remember, embarking on the path to realizing your dreams can feel both exhilarating and daunting. As you take these initial steps, remember that this terrain is new to you. Here’s a guide to help you navigate this journey with confidence and resilience:


Action:

1. Anticipate a Learning Curve: Every new endeavor comes with its challenges. Recognize there will be moments of uncertainty and times when you might feel out of your depth. It’s a natural part of the growth process.

2. Practice Self-compassion: The journey will have its ups and downs. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate your achievements, and when things don’t go as planned, extend grace and kindness towards yourself.

3. Prioritize Progress Over Perfection: Perfection can be an unattainable standard and can hinder our progress. Focus on taking steps forward, no matter how small, rather than aiming for flawless execution.

4. Invest in Your Growth: Dedicate time and resources to acquire information, seek inspiration, and hone your skills. Equip yourself with the tools necessary to make your vision a reality.

5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: Engage with Individuals who believe in the power of creativity and who uplift and support others with vision. Their energy and encouragement can be invaluable.

6. Set Clear and Achievable Goals: Break down your larger dream into smaller, actionable steps. This makes the process more manageable and provides direction.

7. Stay Curious: Keep an open mind and be willing to explore, learn and adapt. Curiosity can lead you to unexpected opportunities and insights.

8. Celebrate Small Wins: Every milestone, no matter how tiny, is a testament to your dedication. Celebrate them as affirmations of your progress.

9. Seek Feedback: Constructive criticism can be a catalyst for growth. Welcome feedback from trusted sources and use it as a tool for improvement.

10. Practice Resilience: Setbacks are inevitable. Rather than seeing them as failures, view them as lessons. Pick yourself up, adjust your strategy, and keep moving forward.

11. Stay Connected to your ‘Why’: On challenging days, remind yourself of the reasons you started this journey. Your passion and purpose will fuel your perseverance.

12. Prioritize Self-Care: As you chase your dreams, remember to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. A rested and rejuvenated self is more equipped to face challenges.

13. Finish What You Start: Even on the days when tasks seem insurmountable or the learning curve too steep, commit to finishing what you have started.



5. Resilience:

a. Definition: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to change, and keep going in the face of adversity.

b. Relation to discipline: Pursuing any goal will inevitably come with its share of challenges. Discipline isn’t just about maintaining a routine, it’s about pushing through difficulties. Resilience ensures that when faced with obstacles, instead of giving up, you find a way around them or power through them.


No matter who we are, what we know or how clear the vision, dream or desire is, setbacks will occur. There is no perfection. You are not a widget. You can’t possibly know it all, see it all or prevent the universe from spinning on its axis. We often get discouraged because we marry an image and the course we think it should take. In these instances, we are not in the moment. As a result, when something occurs that doesn’t reflect our vision it makes it difficult to stay the course or keep moving forward. Take a beat and reset if you must. But don’t allow the setbacks to deter you from the task before you. How you pivot and reset is as important in the equation of goal achievement.




The Synergy of Resilience and Discipline:

While each component of the formula contributes to discipline, resilience holds a special place as it embodies the spirit of never giving up. Here are some thoughts on the synergy between resilience and discipline:


1. Growth Mindset: Both resilience and discipline are rooted in a growth mindset, which is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. This mindset fosters a love for learning and resilience in the face of challenges.

2. Learning from Failure: A disciplined approach often means being methodical and consistent. However, when faced with setbacks, it’s resilience that allows an individual to view failures as learning opportunities rather than endpoints.

3. Reinforcing Commitment: Resilience reinforces discipline. When you bounce back from a setback, it strengthens your commitment and makes you more disciplined in your approach the next time around.

4. Endurance: Just as physical endurance allows athletes to push through physical challenges, mental and emotional resilience empowers individuals to persevere in their disciplined routines, even when they’re mentally or emotionally taxing.


Lastly, here are some suggestions to cultivate resilience and discipline:


1. Reflect on Past Successes: Regularly remind yourself of past challenges you’ve overcome. This reinforces your belief in your resilience and boosts your discipline.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: Discipline often requires saying ‘no’ to many things. Setting clear boundaries can help maintain your focus and ensure you’re not spreading yourself too thin.

3. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand your goals and can help bolster your resilience in challenging times.

4. Practice Mindfulness: Techniques like meditation can enhance both resilience and discipline by promoting focus, self-awareness, and emotional regulation.

5. Continuous Learning: Adopt a lifelong learning approach. By continuously equipping yourself with new skills and knowledge, you’re better prepared to adapt to challenges, enhancing your resilience.


Remember, while discipline sets the path, resilience ensures you keep moving forward on it, no matter the challenges you face. Together, they are the cornerstones of personal growth and achievement.


Until next time,





Live Well Live Whole ™

“Because this life is your one life to make your best life”


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