The Silent Storm: Why We Must Talk About Men's Mental Health

"A man who heals himself heals generations."— African Proverb

June is Men's Mental Health Month and home to Father's Day, two powerful calls to pause and consider how men are doing—not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Men's pain is often overlooked, hidden behind cultural ideals of stoicism and strength. We fear rage and anger. We abhor the silence. We dismiss and deny the emotions that lurk beneath. We don't want men to appear too weak but we want more vulnerability.

But silence is not strength. And pain that remains unspoken doesn't vanish—it becomes the storm beneath the surface.

This post is a deep dive into the hidden wounds men carry, especially those rooted in childhood trauma, emotional suppression, and abuse stored in the body. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. A relationship cannot be healthier than the individuals who comprise it. If we want healthier families and children, we must begin with the individuals who form the foundation of those families, fractured or otherwise. If we want better communities, we must build better families. We must also address the systemic issues that plague our existence.

Men's Mental Health: What the Numbers Say

• 1 in 6 men was sexually abused as a child¹

• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among men ages 15-44²

• Men are less likely than women to seek therapy or disclose emotional struggles³

• Men of color face additional barriers like systemic racism, economic stress, and cultural stigma around mental health⁴

The silence is not because men don't feel—it's because many were never given permission to. We can't ignore the ways in which children are denied the chance to experience or manage emotions. Conflict or disagreement is often synonymous with rage or, on the other side of the spectrum, silence. Worse yet, violence.

These statistics tell us something crucial: the pain is real, it's widespread, and it's often invisible. But to understand why so many men struggle in silence, we need to look deeper—to the wounds that often begin in childhood, before boys even have words to describe what happened to them.

Abuse in Silence: Childhood Sexual Trauma in Boys

Many men carry the invisible burden of abuse experienced before they could speak, understand, or sometimes, even remember. Especially when the abuse occurred in early childhood, it often lives in the body, not the mind.

The Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse

• Emotional shutdown or rage

• Fear of intimacy or touch

• Shame, guilt, or confusion about masculinity

• Substance use or sexual compulsivity

• Depression, anxiety, or chronic pain

And yet, many men wait decades to disclose—if ever. Why?

Because they were told not to cry. Not to feel. Not to speak. Many boys were conditioned to believe that what happened to them wasn't abuse—it was a rite of passage. Whether it came at the hands of an older woman, a trusted adult male, a babysitter, a coach, or even a family member, it was often wrapped in silence or denial. Some were even praised for "becoming a man." Others were shamed into secrecy.

For children of addicted or emotionally absent parents, the unthinkable often became reality: children used as bargaining chips—offered up transactionally in exchange for drugs, money, or favors. Proximity plus power created the perfect conditions for predation.

And still, society looks away.

Abuse didn't just happen in dark alleys or to strangers. It happened at sleepovers. In daycare. In youth group. In classrooms and Sunday school. It happened in the homes of people we trusted most. In cultures where children are taught to obey without question and respect elders without exception, their sovereignty over their own bodies was rarely acknowledged—let alone protected.

Something was awakened in these children prematurely. Not with consent, not with understanding—but with confusion, fear, and shame. Their voice was silenced before it ever had a chance to form.

The Body Remembers What the Mind Can't

Here's what many people don't understand about trauma: when it occurs—especially in childhood or before language develops—the nervous system stores the experience. While the conscious mind may forget, the body remembers. This isn't abstract psychology; it's biology.

Symptoms of Stored Trauma:

• Unexplained panic or dread

• Emotional reactions that feel out of proportion

• Numbness or dissociation

• Chronic tightness, illness, or insomnia

• Startle reflexes or withdrawal without clear cause

This is not weakness. This is the residue of survival.

Inherited Pain: Trauma in the DNA

Trauma isn't just personal—it's ancestral.

Research in epigenetics shows that trauma can alter how genes express themselves⁵. This means men may carry the weight of abuse, neglect, or war from generations before. The pain of grandfathers who never spoke of war, fathers who buried their own abuse, brothers who learned that emotions were dangerous—all of this can live in the body and mind of men today.

Children of survivors often experience:

• Heightened anxiety

• Hypervigilance

• Emotional detachment

• Difficulty with emotional expression

This isn't random—it's legacy.

Healing ourselves often means breaking patterns that were never ours to begin with.

When the Body Speaks Before the Words Come

If you're beginning your healing journey, don't be surprised if your body responds before your mind catches up. Some people find themselves suddenly:

• Crying while having a massage or other bodywork

• Feeling rage or overwhelming emotions when triggered

• Panicking during intimacy

• Shaking or trembling during breathwork

These aren't signs of breaking down. They may be signs of breaking open. The body is speaking and expressing what has been stored for years, sometimes decades.

Healing Through Embodiment

When talk therapy isn't enough, body-based practices help access what's been locked away:

Try This:

• Somatic therapy: Tracks sensations and nervous system patterns

• Breathwork: Unlocks suppressed emotions and trauma

• Myofascial release, massage, or yoga: Frees stored tension

• Movement & creative expression: Boxing, dancing, drumming, painting

These practices create pathways back to self—back to safety.

A Reading List for Men on the Path to Wholeness

Essential Reads:

Start Here:

• The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk

• Victims No Longer — Mike Lew

• Live Well Live Whole™ Affirmation Cards: A companion tool for emotional support, inner regulation, and soul-centered healing. Designed for quiet moments, daily grounding, or sharing with someone who needs to hear they are not alone. (www.LiveWellLiveWhole.com)

Black Men & Mental Health:

• Standing in the Shadows — John Head

• Learning to Be — Juan M. Lipscomb

• Black Men's Mental Health — Dr. Allen E. Lipscomb

Trauma & Healing:

• Abused Boys — Mic Hunter

• It Didn't Start With You — Mark Wolynn

Emotional Expression & Creativity:

• Permission to Feel — Marc Brackett

• Big Magic — Elizabeth Gilbert

• Rest Is Resistance — Tricia Hersey

Your First Step Forward

If you recognize yourself in these words, here's where to start:

1. Acknowledge that your experience matters. Your pain is real, whether you remember everything or not.

2. Find one trusted person to share even a small part of your story with.

3. Consider body-based healing alongside talk therapy.

4. Remember: healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, and that's okay.

Final Word

To the man who doesn't remember but always feels uneasy.To the one who can't cry but can't sleep either.To the one who was hurt before he had words: Your body has been telling the truth all along.

Healing is possible. Even now. Even still.Let your body speak. Let your nervous system soften.Let the silence end—one breath at a time.

Remember to Live Well Live Whole

Resources:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

• Psychology Today Therapist Directory: psychologytoday.com

Sources:

1. Dube, S. R., et al. (2005). Long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse by gender of victim. American Journal of Preventive Medicine

2. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (2023). Suicide Statistics

3. American Psychological Association (2022). Men and Mental Health

4. Mental Health America (2023). Mental Health in Communities of Color

5. Gapp, K., et al. (2014). Implication of sperm RNAs in transgenerational inheritance of the effects of early trauma in mice. Nature Neuroscience